Wave Maker: More on Lobster Welfare

THIS IS MY VIRTUAL LIVING ROOM. COME ON IN AND SAY HELLO. THE BAR IS OVER IN THE CORNER -- HELP YOURSELF, BUT MIND YOUR MANNERS.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

More on Lobster Welfare

The Octogenarian offers this helpful hint on treating the lobster with humanity:

No where in this article do I see the most sensible way to "do in" a lobster. Whether it thinks, or not, has no bearing on the following method:

Buy some cheap wine. The type is not important except if you prefer a certain wine with your lobster dinner. If that is the case, you can save money by using the same wine you plan to drink with your Lobster dinner.

Pour some in a large pan (preferable a white enamelled pan as this will enable you to see when the lobster is "ready" for the cooking).

Tip the pan up so the small amount of wine will do for several lobsters. I mean how much can a lobster "drink" if, in fact, they do "drink?"

Now, after the lobster has been immersed up to his "mouth" (if in fact, he has a "mouth") you will notice it has has a glazed look in his eyes (if in fact that he has "eyes") and he also might stagger just a bit and be less interested in escaping the pan.

This will show that he is, if fact, inebriated. He has a "Devil-may-care" attitude and above all is relaxed! This is the most important part of my whole diatribe. He's plastered! He doesn't give a shit! When he goes in the hot water as he must, he's relaxed! He doesn't sieze up and make himself taste bad. He's dying (oops - pun intended) for you to gobble him up - as it were.

The key is: Relaxed.

Before I developed lobsteritis (or whatever the correct name is), my wife and I always relaxed our lobsters first.

Now I should point out that you could also try accupucture, but his shell is a bit tough and I'm not sure where his sensitive relaxation points are. Perhaps you could consult with a man of Chinese extraction for that information.

Some people say if you massage him first it will relax him. However, depending on his sexual orientation, he might become seriously offended.

Then again, my method would have the same problem if he was a teetotaler or a member the subterranean branch of AA.

All in all, however, try it - he'll taste a lot better. The wine helps you too.

The Octogenarian

[ed. note: I prefer beer with my lobster]

Posted by: Wave Maker / 9:42 AM/ |