Wave Maker: Pervis the Cheapskate

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Thursday, May 19, 2005

Pervis the Cheapskate

Everyone Down East has heard tell about Pervis Webber’s parsimony. Why, they say he's so tight with a nickel, "he'll squeeze it till the buffalo fahts." But nothing can compare to the story about how he lost his first wife, Martha.

First year they was wed, Pervis took Martha the county fair, down Scarborough. That was the year Ephron Barrows had brought his bi-plane over, offering rides for $5 each, so's to raise some money for the DAR.

Martha had always wanted to ride in a plane, and particular wanted Ephron to do one of them barrel rolls. She commenced to naggin' Pervis awful.

Now Pervis had his hand in his pocket with a death grip on his money, and Ephron wuhn’t thrilled with the idea of Pervis and his wife riding up there. He knew Pervis would be running his mouth about how ‘spensive the silly ride was. So Ephron got an idea, and he said to Pervis:

“Puh-vis, tell you wut. I’ll take the payah of you up, and if you keep yer pie hole shut for the whole roid, I won’t chahge you a doym. But one peep out of you, and you pay the full freight, ten dollahs.”

Pervis was sold, and Martha couldn’t wait to climb into that plane. So into the plane they climbed, Ephron up front, Martha in the middle and Pervis at the rear. And up they went.

Well Ephron gave them a good ‘un, saving the best for last, performing an impressive series of barrel rolls, durin the last of which, Martha’s belt slipped and out she went.

Ephron finished the flight and didn’t see till he landed that they’d lost Martha.

“Puh-vis, fuh Gawd’s sake, why didn’t you speak up!!!!!!!”

“Well Ephron, nuthin much we coulda done once we lost huh, and ten dollahs is ten dollahs!”

Posted by: Wave Maker / 10:36 AM/ |