Wave Maker: The Art of the Retort

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Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Art of the Retort

The Alternate News Network reports what it calls the "TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2004--according to Reader's Digest."

#5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

#4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,"No ma'am, they're dead."

#3: The cop stops a kid for speeding, walks to the driver's window and says, "I've been waiting for you all day." The kid replies,"Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

#2: A truck driver fails to heed a sign that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. A police officer arrives on the scene and says to the truck driver, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004:A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher shakes her head and says,"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Ba-da-boom.

Posted by: Wave Maker / 11:02 AM/ |