Wave Maker: Cleaning Up Brain Droppings

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Cleaning Up Brain Droppings

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Pursuant to an initiative launched by my gun-toting friend at North Georgia Dogma, this exercise, designed (apparently) to drive traffic to the far reaches of the blogosphere, involves concocting epigrammatic replies to five whimsical questions, and then soliciting five additional bloggers to follow suit -- constructing (one hopes) a logarythmic growth which, if sustained, will unite the entire world of bloggers in one frivolous waste of time.

(One month of blogging and I've got to exercise my wit -- and I thought this was going to be an edifying experience.)

Thus:

NGD asked:

1. What movie would they have to pry your eyes open á la “A Clockwork Orange” to get you to watch start-to-finish?

Wavemaker says:

Any movie that shows any portion of the scrawny and vapid Kevin Bacon, or any movie with a Bacon Factor of 1. William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet (1996) was also seriously bad.

But I'd watch all of 'em at once to watch Blue Velvet one more time.

NGD asked:

2. Kerry Healey. She’s a hottie, isn’t she?

Wavemaker says:

Considering that this blog may some time be read by someone that matters, let me say that I have been deliriously married for 21 years to one of the hottest women on the planet, against whom no woman can be measured. But since Ms. Healey (the Lieutenant Governor of the Commonwealth, for those who are not inured to the local scene) bears a slight resemblance to my wife, I am compelled to say, emphatically, yes.

NGD asked:

3. More snow’s coming tomorrow. Global Warming’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Wavemaker says:

Sure is! I bought an outdoor recreation business two years ago in reliance upon the assurances of "Amanda" at the Sierra Club and "Thaddeus" (pseudonyms, to protect them from a public blogging) at the Audubon Society that the average winter temperature would be 52 degrees -- so I figured I'd make a bundle on Christmas Eve go-cart rides. Now the mini-golf is gonna cost $22.50 this summer. That's the last time I trust those folks. God help the MassPIRG dude that comes to my door this summer.

NGD asked:

4. Been up I-95 recently? Like into New Hampshire? Have they stopped all pretense of maintaining the roads, or what?

Wavemaker says:

Hey! Not one dime of highway maintenance money has been diverted to pay for the Big Dig! I know, cuz Matt Amorello told me so.

The way I look at it, the treacherous road conditions over the last five miles of I 95 N are a legitimate attempt to make any potential Massachusetts-to-New Hampshire expatriate pay for a couple of new tires for the privilege of living free.

Wait'll they put in the southbound toll booth. We'll all go north and never come back.

NGD asked:

5. Deathmatch: Al Franken vs. Ann Coulter. Who’s your money on?

Wavemaker says:

OOOOOOOOooooooo not even close. Comparing Coulter's fangs to Franken's "Splutter" move, I put every penny on Coulter. Her elbows can puncture the thickest skull, and Franken's so fat he can't reach his own dingleberries. An extra $100 says he asphyxiates himself on his own vomit when she brandishes a (obviously doctored) photo of Wonkette and Gary Bauer in flagrante delicto.

There you have it, Bubba.

Now, which five of you fritterers of time are going to step forward for your own opportunity to get in on the ground floor of this dubious pyramid scheme?

Posted by: Wave Maker / 10:07 PM/ |