Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Bonfire of the Inanities

Desperate for some temporary relief from the global Schiavo angst, I've come up with a random list of items from today's newspaper that just made me laugh -- okay, a lot of it is gallows humor, but I am just in that mood, and this is my blog, so deal with it.

And to my friends on the right, I say this -- Nooooooooooooooo, I am too a conservative. Do not misinterpret what is being said here. Hypocrisy and inanity are equal opportunity afflictions -- if you want to be credible, you have to recognize that your friends say stupid things (once in a while). So swallow your sanctimony, lighten up, and take stock.

Rights Groups for Disabled Join in Fight

Disability rights advocates have joined together with Christian conservatives to push for broad legislation restricting the ability of families to remove life-sustaining treatments from patients unable to communicate their wishes.

The name of the group? Not Dead Yet (named for the refrain in Monty Python and the Holy Grail).


Tom Delay at His Worst

After leading his Republican colleagues on an unprecedented mission to insert itself into the fray by passing a law that was as clear and simple as the day is long, Congressman Delay suggested that Judge James Whittemore's decision violated the law passed by Congress on Monday.

That law states that the federal district court "shall issue such declaratory and injunctive relief as may be necessary to protect the rights of Theresa Marie Schiavo under the Constitution and laws of the United States relating to the withholding or withdrawal of food, fluids, or medical treatment necessary to sustain her life."

''This decision is at odds with both the clear intent of Congress and the constitutional rights of a helpless young woman," DeLay said, implying that Congress intended to order a federal judge to order the feeding tube reinserted (as obvious a violation of the Seperation of Powers clause as one could dream up). That would come as quite a surprise to the Democrats on the other side of this "bi-partisan effort."


Reverend Mahoney's Little White Lie

The Rev. Patrick Mahoney, director of the Christian Defense Coalition and an occasional spokesman for the Schindler family, accused Whittemore of ''arrogance" for waiting a full day after the case was filed to come to a decision. He needs to get on the same page as everyone else on Terri's side, who were complaining that Judge Whittemore didn't spend enough time reviewing the voluminous 30,000 pages of lititigative history.

''He has robbed Terri's legal team of literally a day and a half of the appeals process," Mahoney said.


The Ghost of Mike Dukakis, Caught in Chicago

This is almost too much to believe, but when you recall those old days with that card, Mike Dukakis, you realize it is way too true.

NormanPorter, murderer of two in seperate incidents during the 1960's, who escaped from a minimum-security prison 19 years ago to become one of Massachusetts' most-wanted fugitives , was captured yesterday in Chicago.

According to the Massachusetts Department of Corrections rap sheet on Porter, in 1960 he shot a store clerk in the back of the head "execution style" with a shotgun, fled to New York, was extradicted back to Massachusetts, where, while awaiting trial at the Middlesex County jail, he escaped from the jail and in the process physically assaulted the Master and Keeper of the Middlesex Jail while an accomplice shot him to death; he was apprehended days later while in the process of robbing a store, and eventually pled guilty to two counts of second degree murder and sentenced to two concurrent life terms.

In 1975, Governor Dukakis attempted to commute both life sentences, but was blocked in one of the attempts. But in 1985, while serving in a minimum security, pre-release center, Porter escaped simply by "walking away from the facility."

I swear, I am not making this up.

Laugh with me now: Second degree murders, life sentence commuted, minimum security pre-release center, walk away.


But he's an award-winning poet, you know.

On the lighter side:

She's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

The ever-fading former Charlie's Angel Farrah Fawcett is back with her own --- you guessed it -- reality t.v. show called "Chasing Farrah." Now I admit, I thought she was very good looking back then, and for 58, she looks quite good now (original material or not). But that's all she was ever good at, her looks. She was (is?) a terrible actress, and an utterly vapid character with no intrigue, mystery, humor, wit -- anything -- about her. Remember her appearance on David Letterman in 1997? Of course you don't. It was just a few minutes of giggling, hair-twirling and "ummmmmmmmmmmm's."

So she says, in the pilot eposide tonight, "'Maybe this whole show is a Letterman moment."

She must mean the first (and only) episode.


The 17th at TPC

All non-golfers, you can quit reading now. Thanks for coming today!

This is the week that the PGA Tour is playing the Tournament Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass. This is the home of the infamous and diabolical 17th "island green" hole, the most evil short par three in all of golf. Hard to figure how guys that can hit a three wood 285 off a downhill lie over water to a small green to set up an eagle putt can be so obsessed about this little 130 yard wedge shot, but they are.

Yesterday, during a rain delay in the practice rounds, last year's champion, Adam Scott, was told that most players say that when they are playing the 16th hole, which plays along the other side of the water guarding the 17th and affords a direct look at the green, they do not glance to their right.

"That's a lie," he said.


And that, folks, is the only good natured, harmless lie of the day!

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